Otherwise were looking at an extremely improbable event which the woman in question was able to predict with uncanny accuracy. Hes an idiot either way. Hes a real winner. Picture Perfect Poster Girl: Taylour Paige Stars As "Boogie's" Leading Lady, UPDATE: Jesseca Dupart Denies That LisaRaye Found Out About Da Brat's Pregnancy Via Social Media, Your Weekly Helping Of Tidday Meats & Treats On The Gram, Cougar Chronicles! Im not a lawyer, or in any way familiar with the law about these things, so my assumption is based on what a friend told me first hand about his experience. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. One common definition: a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response. Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. Read the comments. So, in other words, RR, it is a noble thing to give your child to strangers in the hope that he or she is treated well (that the adoptive parents wont abuse them, wont get divorced in a messy way, wont let them fend for themselves, and so on), even though youll have no interaction with that child again, but it is base and vile to have the same lack of interaction but to provide financial support which doesnt in any way affect the mothers ability to find a partner that is right for her. Those double standards take up too much room. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. I also think hes kind of a jerk for having sex with someone he cant stand. The point you bring up here is why I cant wrap my head around one night stands. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. I dont see why this issue is any different. Men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement. Pardon me, butare you fucking KIDDING me?! How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? Just stay away from mens wallets. Why does anyone think they have a say in whether a woman aborts or keeps her child? This whole thing could have been prevented that way. The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. It's like she's a completely different person. Coke bottle explodes taking off your arm = coke pays. Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. Not your body, not your choice. She asked what to do with this guy. I think the hes a scum is more about not wanting anything to do with a child that he helped create and trying to brow beat this woman into having an abortion. But wherever youre writing from, I suspect the child support laws are strong enough that, if she goes after it, he wont have much choice. April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. He says he wants me, but Im afraid if she keeps trying to get back with him she will succeed one day. I wanted to be the one who had a baby with . I dont think a woman should ever have to have an abortion, but if the father decides early on that he doesnt want the child, I think he should have the same rights to get out of it as the woman does. Take this as a lesson learned. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Who then supports the child that the man made? It says there is no child at conception. Also, HUGE RED FLAG. I give up. LW, your boyfriend is an ass and youre acting like one. I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH*Hylton's family vlog - https://youtu.be/pV11uGFaESsItz The Taylor's - https://youtu.be/8hVLcR1kvrsSUBSCRI. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. The 5 Top Giveaway Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship - Vixen Daily When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. female Steve, I dont think you should waste your energy getting so fired up about this. Whose idea was it to take a break anyway? This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. Men abandon and fail to pay for children constantly. Yep. They talk, hed says hed rather not have a kid and would like her to get an abortion. She didnt rape him. Which, if youll recall, honey, was what we were discussing in the first place before you sidetracked us. April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. April 9, 2012, 6:16 pm. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. Weird question. And whether you believe its a child at conception or not, its a scientific fact that conception is what, at the very least, leads to life. pretty sure he is actually an extreme pro-lifer who is playing into his rhetoric backwards. It is scummy though. Thanks. Obviously, NEITHER man is responsible for the child the woman wanted it, she grew it. Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning.. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? You know, I was thinking about that, too. We got back together but he dragged her along through texts for a week until I found out. April 9, 2012, 8:26 pm. And how can you be mad at the woman? Again, this was the perfect time to walk away, and end it with him. Yes, no birth control is perfect, blah blah. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. reader, TELLULAH+, writes (25 January 2008): A And, you are not the choice. it will be her due by July or Aug. well, The reason why I asked you about your opinion because it's really hard for me to make a decision to leave her behide her pregnant on her own. Yep. reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): A Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. Now, I suppose, you could argue that my gay friends are more careful because death is probably a bigger inconvenience that a child you dont want and most likely wont really give a flying fuck about anyway But no, seriously Apparently many straight people are just too dumb to use a condom correctly. I would like to also say, we dont know that shes trapping him. So tough shit. he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. I agree people who are dysfunctional should not stay together for the sake of the kid it will just make things worse. Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. and our List of Everybody Hates Chris characters - Wikipedia SweetsAndBeats Also I take that because your boyfriend knew she was on the pill he didnt use a condom. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. What a joke. For anyone. And its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. That isnt the case. Now pay for the childs necessities in life. Is it Dear Wendy gender wars with the emotional females leaping to conclusions and bullying the open minded fair males who dare to object to name-calling and double standards? Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? If he didnt get tested prior to running back to the LW then yes, he did expose her to STDs. Well get our hands off your uterus when you get your hands off our wallets. She should think long and hard about that reason and not take her former bf back. Fourth, this woman should run, not walk, from this dude. The timing was exactly right. Part of the agreement was they he was to never have any contact with the child. Flexxie In the end he is a great dad and we are expecting our second.. a Girl:) Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. Thats true Yankee vernacular. Who knew? He had a FWB relationship with a girl and always used condoms. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. April 10, 2012, 5:07 pm. But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. she's a real bitch. He wont be a deadbeat dad, as some have suggested. I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. Fyrebyrd2 But I just don't know anymore. I hate a society that even makes this an issue. But theres a huge amount of anger here over the fact that he didnt, even though theres no statement by the LW either way. , CatsMeow So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot? So, let it be over. He could have also said he wants the baby, and the LW is lying. The father would divorce himself from the child and any obligations to the mother. Heres the fact: LW, you dont get a say in what this woman does, and neither does your boyfriend. There are any number of cases where under-age males, 12 years old, 14 years old, 16 years old, get hit for child support because the female teacher who statutorily RAPED them got pregnant. Men dont pay child support during gestation only when there is an actually living child is in the world that has physical needs. Why you waste any time belly aching about how unfair it is, is beyond me. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallopBut I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct.-yep, true story reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A Cold, but I suppose not unheard of. Are sued for child support. I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. April 9, 2012, 2:14 pm. If I ever get pregnant and the dude wants nothing to do with the child, I will not force him. Run. he said this is not gonna ruin us, ReginaRey I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. Seriously, doesnt anyone get off on oral anymore? Why are you standing up for mens right to bang a chick they have known two minutes without a condom and have no consequences for THEIR actions. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. What happens when *she* gets pregnant and he still doesnt want to be a father? How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? He also lowkey blames me because I initiated the breakup. Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. I got the impression that he was furious that she opted to keep the baby and quite possibly that she misrepresented being on birth control, not that she had the audacity to become pregnant after sex. Miranda Lambert's new cop hubby lived a 'secret life' - Page Six Does this mean, then, that you advocate that every woman who ever gets pregnant must (a) have the child and (b) stay with the father, lest she be scum? I do believe that many accidental pregnancies are not so accidental, but that is all the more reason for people who engage in casual sex, and are dead set against having kids, to do everything in their power to avoid having them! Still, if I were the LW and I saw my newly reunited BF acting this way about his soon to be born child, Id get the heck out of there. 2. Having unprotected sex is not a crime, but if you have sex without a condom with someone you dont know or trust entirely yet, you need to know that there is the possibility a child could be conceived, either by accident or deception. My heart broke into a million pieces. Reading your letter, you are far too immature to handle this. People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. Not only to prevent babies but to protect yourself from STDs. April 9, 2012, 5:29 pm. We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. Youre upset that it only took a few months for her to get what youve been waiting for 4 years. It has nothing to do with the man. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. 2. She came first. Just like we trust people when they say they got tested? April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. Go argue with the feminists. Im not saying it doesnt happen, but I find it hard to believe that people who dont take care dont get pregnant and every unwanted pregnancy is always the product of birth control failure. Chris (played by Tyler James Williams), is the ambitious, normal, responsible, intelligent, and kind-hearted, but troubled, unlucky, unpopular, untalented, nonathletic, underachieving, hapless, awkward, nerdy, vulnerable and mischievous eldest child and protagonist with anxiety disorder of the series.He wishes he was more like his younger brother, Drew. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. At the point where he had options he chose one that could result in a pregnancy. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Because he had sex? Sorry for any confusion! and now he must deal with those consequences. But, the real reason you can't let go is because you feel bad that you've invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. theQuietOne But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. This doesnt arise from the rights of the mother. And I called him out on condom use because truly that should be something we all think about when having non-monogamous sex EVEN if the woman is taking another form of birth control. Is that fair, well no, but nine months of growing a baby inside you, followed with birth, breast feeding, ect isnt really an equitable way to split reproduction either. If you choose to roll those dice against any odds you have yourself to blame if they dont land in your favor. I never grew up thinking there was something wrong with me because my biological father wasnt ready or willing to be a father to me. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. As others have said, arguably this is more denial and shock than actual fury. This gets to the basic conflict. How about, The woman who decided to keep the child knowing that the man was not interested in being a father and providing support?. The misogyny is the implication that this somehow makes it easy for a woman. April 10, 2012, 7:10 pm. What the LW needs to do is take a deep breath, wait a long time for this situation to resolve, and then decide what she wants to do. (and I hate that C-word.but LW, you deserve it). The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. He says fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. Nothing. A woman who is raped is stuck with the agonizing choice of getting an abortion, or carrying a child to term. You want to be a slave to a prick like him? Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. My Wife Had Fun With My Best Friend And Destroyed Our Son's Future My Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant Before We Started Dating, What I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. Life is unfair. You can have a spirited and logical debate, and still keep it interesting and above board. April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. lets_be_honest Absolutely BOIL. ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc. Dee S. Advocate There is a chance it isnt his. Exactly where is there a grown-up here? rainbow April 9, 2012, 9:30 pm. Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. Then they want to fight for the loser like hes some sort of prize! Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. hamster van beethoven Im sorry you feel you are in the minority. He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. He said he still loves me and that he didnt love her, and it was a mistake. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. Privacy Policy. He was not tricked into having sex with her without protection. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. I am willing to give this guy a teeney, tiny shred of doubt that he is in shock and is responding poorly, but that he could be a decent guy who will come around wants he gets his head around the situation. A kid is not a building. During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood. But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. What kind of 40 year old cant live without their SO. April 9, 2012, 4:44 pm. He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they havent been together two minutes! Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. The Truth About Rebound Relationships | Psychology Today lets_be_honest I cant see how anyone would be upset with a man who agrees with that statement and concludes that he has every right to walk away from the whole situation. It's not that bad (though I'll take an IUD's 0.6%, thanks). But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed Me - Bolde Though some women seem to believe that is the case. Now Im confused. April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. Im a guy, and I think that the BF is a loser scum bag. When an Abortion Destroys a Relationship - The Atlantic It is never said in the letter that he didnt, and the apparent assumption is that, since the woman said she was on the pill, he must not have used one. She cant afford a child on her own. These are not discussions about angels dancing on the head of a pin there is a child that needs financial support during his/her life. I dont understand the level of anger sparked by this man not wanting to be physically involved in this childs life. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. Ugh so agree with Amanda. Get tested for an std too because your love obviously did not use a condom. April 9, 2012, 5:52 pm, Sounds to me like your sister isnt so much unlucky, but a liar. Ive known people who thought of abortions as no big deal who opted to keep unexpected and poorly timed pregnancies, and people who thought theyd never consider an abortion but who ultimately ended up having one. So your boyfriend said he doesnt want anything to do with his own child (besides the child support) and you didnt run screaming the other way? This guy isnt worth anyones time. Oh, and of course, hes also called a dick, and ass, and other choice names. Im not saying I think he should get any sort of say in it, but why are we so quick to deride his emotional response to an accidental life-altering event that, in his mind, could have been corrected, but isnt going to be due to someone elses decision? female You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. He cant try and opt out of the rules that he knew he was playing by when he had sex with this woman. Your choice. If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. April 10, 2012, 8:46 am, he does not have the option to opt out entirely. I hope your boyfriend will reconsider not being a part of this babys life. Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Can I interject for a moment and note that CUSTODY isnt generally whats tied to support; PLACEMENT is. I would also ask him to get an STD test because he had unprotected sex. Thats precisely the incentive structure feminism (and the paternity laws that followed) have created. Have whatever sex you want. April 10, 2012, 8:54 pm. If hes such an awful scumbag, why would you want to force him to be a father. You deserve each other! But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. Story. 2) A woman having an abortion is not the same as a man refusing to have anything to do with a child. A guy does have every right to tell her look, Im not ready to do this. And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. April 10, 2012, 7:31 pm. And if so, Im ready. Chuck Pelto That was supposed to be a reply to Temperance, not ele4phant. Welcome to adulthood. WTF are you reading? If this woman wants to have the child, then she can have it: why is it up to you or your boyfriend to tell her she cant? I think theyre unfair in the same way that I feel its unfair to prevent women from having abortions, but thatss beside the point. As Ive gotten older shes told me more details about the situation (they were tenants in the same complex working towards professional education [law and med school] and both around age 30; I was a surprise and he was more dedicated to completing his education, while she wasnt upset that she would be a mother sooner. Thank God for the real men. Steve Kellmeyer February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. caitie_didnt You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. People who say that are codependent, melodramatic, or 15. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. And my opinion doesnt change whether youre prepared to have a kid. One does not need to hate women to find inherent unfairness in current laws. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. 4. stop stressing so much.many children are born under worse circumstances the guy and his ex its their problem to solve not yours.
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